Why can’t your 20s be 20 years?!
My ideal number of children is 3. I don’t know why, but my whole life I have dreamed (literally dreamed) of having 3 children.
But I have a problem – I am running short for time. I am 28, 29 in March (in 5 months). I want the option to have 3 children but do not want to have to have them back to back (eg. 10-12 months apart). I also don’t want to have a newborn or even a toddler in my 40s. I want to look forward to retirement in my early 60s. My husband will be retired at 55. I don’t want for us both to have to work an additional 10 years because we have 19/20 year old children just starting their education. Then comes first house and weddings, which we want to help pay for. So waiting until my early 40s to have a baby will push our retirement to our 70s. No thank you.
So, I am going to get realistic and do the math. If I were to assume 4 months of trying before pregnancy with no complications, my timing would look like this:
- Start trying as soon as I turn 29 (5 months from now), +4 months
- Get pregnant, +9 months
- Have our 1st born at age 30 then wait a year before trying for another, +12 months
- At age 31, start trying for a second child, +4 months
- Get pregnant with second, +9 months
- Have second child at age 32 then wait a year before trying for the third, +12 months
- At age 33, start trying for third, +4 months
- Get pregnant with third, +9 months
- At age 34, have third child
- Raise 3rd child until at least age 3, to age 37.
This means I have to commit about 8 years to my family and being out of the workforce. Oh my god….
OK, at this point you may be thinking I am a CONTROL FREAK. If you are thinking that, then you are correct. I can wing a lot of things but something as important as children, I just can’t relax. I have talked to a few friends, who have children, about how they decided to take the plunge and have children. Most of them said they just went off the pill and just let it happen. Just let nature decide for you. AAAAAAARRRRG! I can’t just do that! I need to plan. And isn’t the decision to stop taking birth control a decision?
One thing I do know, I am not ready and either is my husband. We are really enjoying our life right now. My career is at a pivotal point and I find it really unfair that I have to give up my career for a few years. Why can’t we both (physically) have children? I have seen the movie Junior, it can happen! (OK, obviously I am joking about that.) I just find it unfair the women have to work so hard to be respected in the workplace, then we have to disappear for a few years.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely want to stay home to raise my own children. I will not have day care or other people raise my kids during the pivotal first years of their life. I will do it happily and do it with gusto. But right now, just contemplating this big change, its just hard to think about.
I guess I will be ready when I am at peace with that sacrifice. I wish your 20s were 20 years so I can get my career to the point I want it to be at and then have children. But your 20s are only 10 years and for me, they are coming to a close in a year and a half. I don’t know when I will be “ready”, if anyone really is ever truly ready, but that day is not today. Maybe soon, but not today…..
~with love, ChelseyP